you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
