If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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