my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
True strength comes from lack of pants
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
