no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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