I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i came on her dog
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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