I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize