lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
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