I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How does one acquire holy water?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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