Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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