Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
