All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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