Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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