you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
