You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
