I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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