I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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