Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
