I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
