Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Im part way to drunk.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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