Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
