i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Two words: nipple clamps
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