please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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