Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
worst night to have a conscience
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
