i jhust puked up my retainher.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
