If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and you said cock pushups were impossible
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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