Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
