are you still at the devil's house?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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