Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
