dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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