This is not my ceiling
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you win again, gameday.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
