my mouth tastes like poor choices
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
