She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
