i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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