you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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