I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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