never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My dick has a subreddit
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
