I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
