In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
