I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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