After last night, I could never be a politician.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
