Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
