Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
