I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
