The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
