Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
