I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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