Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
