I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
