Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
