apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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