ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
