Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
