Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize