Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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