I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
