Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
