Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think your dad took our porno
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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