She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
