you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
