Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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