She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
