he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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