Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just cut my nipple shaving
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
