I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
