so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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