the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
