Don't you send me to vm
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
