we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
