Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
