grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize