My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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