Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
