Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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