I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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