Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I had to cum in my sink.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
